washed out wednesday

allting tar väldigt lång tid här i skrutthuset. 

det är oräkneliga veckor sedan vi bredpsacklade och putsade hallon & mjölk väggen.
först i dag har den fått bli grundad vit med inmålade,
nu gömda meddelanden av kärlek.

hade här varit högre, profilerade golvlister
och vit stuckatur längs höga taken, - då hade vi behållt

den där väggen alldeles som den var. 

nu väntar istället svart krittavelfärg. 

undrar hur många veckor det dröjer tills vi kommer dit.

längtar dit gör jag i alla fall. 

det blir en perfekt porträttvägg har jag fått för mig.

{tusen tack till le make tjejerna som fixade den saknade mönstrade}

och så väntar fix av miniköket på 2a våningen, 

där det är tänkt att man bara ska kunna ligga och pusta 

i en fåtölj efter skumbaden, varm och dåsig.

änsålänge hem åt den där fåtöljen, en stor kohud

 och ett bord med en attans massa bad, -& dofta gott attiraljer.

det var liksom dit vi kom. 

sedan rann alla hundratals liter vatten ner längs väggarna 

till 1a våningen, en kväll när jag släppte ut badvattnet

ur det stora gamla inkaklade badkaret.

badabing ! 

älskade skrutthus.

   

egentligen ville jag mest ta en paus
och tacka Er för att Ni är här,
- & för alla de fina tankarna Ni lämnar efter Er så generöst. 

en stens resa

vi reser uppåt sverige. 

drygt en timme i klockslag, mil efter mil av minnen.

vi pratar om tid. hur det efter vad som känns som ett enda ögonblick, 

plötsligt är ett helt år sedan vi stod samlade där i rummet,

där hans pappa låg, redan borta.

utanför sjukhuset var himlen mörkt grå som elefanthud, 

regnade som om allt var ursinne,

~ & sände doft av våt asfalt in i rummet med fönstret på glänt.

gardinen just där, ~ & ett levande ljus fladdrade. 

mitt hjärta var en hackspett i bröstet, kroppen tung som bly.

nu går vi över skogskyrkogården.

vi behöver inte prata mer. stenen ligger mjuk 

i hans hand och jag saktar ner, går lite bakom & tar en bild. 

bara andas tänker jag och det är skönt på något sätt

att luften är så aprilkall att huden känns. 

hans andra hand i min sedan och småfåglarna följer oss 

längs stilla bäckar & vitsippor.

hans hud är torr. varm. 

jag känner och känner igen ena fingrets ärr.

vi känner varandras linjer. sorgen. skrattens olika ton. 

där stigen tar slut, just innan grinden ut mot större skog, 

sitter en stor svart råka; 

plirar på oss från muren, säger tyst att vi är framme.

sten på sten och en dröm får vila,

den urgröpta födelsestjärnan är fylld av regn,

speglar himlen.

det är med någon märklig slags dubbel känsla 

man lämnar en kyrkogård.

hjärtat är tungt och lätt på samma gång,

och det är lite tydligare, går nästan att ta på

att lite till,

lite till har man fått lov att leva, 

skönt skyldig livet att drömma.

kärlek till Er fina.

an interview | part 4

Any new project you’re working on ?

mm.. i have some conceptual shoots planned 

with my favourite girls, 

that i really hope we get to realize this summer,

- & an idea that is forming for a series of photos that

need some more intricate costuming. 

and i’m working on an exhibit scheduled for 

stockholm in the fall. 

Is there a photo you regret posting online ? 

je ne regrette rien ! 

*smiles* 

.. & det var hela intervjun,
{som började här}..

tack för alla Era fina ord. 
de betyder mycket ! 


kärlek,

h

sunday monday

blicken är långt borta. 

Ni vet hur människor ser ut då.. 

man vet inte om de tittar långt bort, utåt,

eller minst lika långt inåt. 

jag borde måla en vägg. 

åka till en grav. 

svara på mail. 

det är måndag morgon,

söndag här hemma.

sol. 

och inuti alldeles stilla. 

jag behövde nog bara det här lilla,
nästan helt rena utrymmet. 

veckan är ett blankt blad.

kram till Er,

h

an interview | part 3

In skin retouching, when do you think enough is enough ? 

the short version answer would be that enough is enough when,

- or rather before {!}, you take something away from the

expression of a person or from the personality.
and if i get to choose i want to leave for example scars alone;
as i find them so beautiful on a body or a face.
like a map of that persons life. 

the longer, - & more self-revealing answer is
that this topic is quite a hot one for me at this very moment,

- & the very area of editing that i’m working on evolving in right now.

i am just a few years in to this and am autodidact
in photography as well as editing, and find my learning curve
to be very steep. with retouching i also think it can be very deceptively 

tempting to go over the top with retouching, as it is suddenly 

even possible to ’perfect’.

for me it is also a question that has me feeling a bit contradictive

within myself, as i truly think it is the ’imperfections’ 

of a person that make them especially beautiful.

and on another note, i know that, with lina for example, 

there have been photos where i didn’t even touch her face, 

but i even think myself that it looks like i have. 

for example with her eyes; i’ve gotten a comment on flickr’
about them being ’too photoshopped’ when in reality i did
n o t h i n g to them.
we actually even laughed at that on our last shoot,
that she looks like she has a permanent & self-acting refill of
’clear eyes’ or something, as her whites of the eye 

are always so white. and having jossi doing make up,

there’s another aspect; she has magic hands. 

let’s leave it at; 

i’m in the place of actually wanting to do less retouching, 

- & also wanting to learn more about it.

Where do you get most of your textures ? 

mostly from flickr’, some from this lovely woman,

 and i also scan myself a lot. old stuff. *smiles*

Do you think photography websites such as flickr’ can be unfair in terms of 

comments and followers to some people sometimes ? 

i don’t think it’s my place to determine what is unfair regarding popularity,

- & i don’t give it much thought. i always focus on what i am doing, 

and comment others in an honest way in the sense that i don’t 

comment just to comment. 

Some people say that female photographers can be recognized a lot easier 

than male photographers, what do you think ?

i’ve never heard that, and haven’t thought about it. 

i think i want to stay in the belief that that is not a gendered issue,

but that it is indeed about the imagery.

perhaps i’m being naïve here, but no, i don’t see that as an issue.

Do you prefer shooting indoors or outdoors ? 

equally, i’d say.

or rather, - it’s all depending on the light. 

Is fame important to you ?

yes and no. 

no as i’ve never had fame as an aspiration. 

yes as fame can be an opportunity to affect people

in a positive way, - & also if fame would mean money,

as money would mean freedom. 

freedom to create some of the crazy, elaborate, 

time-consuming & / or demanding ideas one gets, 

or be able to choose to do some work for free for example. 

yes also because fame can open doors to the possibility

of shooting some extraordinarily great faces out there, like 

some actors for example, that has great presence 

for photography and portraits.

In your early years as a photographer, what was the mistake you made a lot ? 

i’m still in my early years so i make mistakes all the time!

perhaps {& maybe hopefully? -} i always will too..

.. but one that i think i’ve moved passed is not taking the shot.

some, or most moments you never get a second chance with in photography.
today i am more secure in shooting strangers for example.
you can always ask, is what i try to think.

so the mistake i perhaps used to make was not asking, 

not seizing the moment.

Name people you enjoy working with, models or other photographers,

or people you wish to work with both models and photographers ? 

i haven’t worked that much with models at all yet,

but consider my first one to be a very lucky first; and that was lina, 

who i met doing the first shoot for swedish clothing brand called spira,

- & she became my muse right then and there.

we’re really connected and i often don’t even have to talk 

for her to know what i want her to do. 

i also love working with jossi, a make up artist & hair stylist,

- & it’s the same thing with her. we’re connected. 

i haven’t worked alongside another photographer,

but if i really get to wish and dream, i’m going right back to

my two favorites; paolo roversi
{if i’ll ever do real fashion photography, his is the way to do it, i think,
- & for sure the man to learn from}

and sally mann .. oh, just the thought of getting
under the fabric sheet of her 100-year-old 8 x 10 bellows view camera 

gives me goosebumps..!

the list of dream ’models’ to shoot is considerably longer.

bob dylan, audrey tatou, mads mikkelsen, salma hayek, 

morgan freeman, aishwarya rai, and many more.. 

.. and when it comes to actual models.. 

arizona muse, alyson le borges, amber valetta, 

natalia vodianova, daria werbowy, 

tasha tilberg, tiiu kuik.. i could go on forever.

{part four}

i sista lilla delen av intervjun, den 4e; 

mer om kommande projekt, - & om det finns 

något jag ångrar att jag publicerat.. 

.. & här började det hele. 

hoppas Ni mår riktigt bra,
- & att en inspirerad vecka just tagit sin början.

kärlek,

h

an interview | part 2

What scares you the most ?

darkness, in the sense of.. not living.
be it death or just standstill in life.

that there are places or times {concerning death certainly a time}
somehow 'out there' in all our lives, where there are.. gaps.. darkness,
where i or we, might loose our way.

i fear that for me, for my loved ones, - for mankind on the whole;

that we don’t use life in the manner that we truly should. 

that we are so blind sometimes.

Tell us a weird fact about you ? 

ha! i love that .. *smiles*

um.. i have something, roughly translated called 

associative movements, which my mum the psychologist says ought to 

disappear at about the age of four or five
{at which i can conveniently put it right back on her, raising me. *smiles*}.

this means that i, for example, turn my head when i turn the 

steering wheel of a car {i am also speed-blind so you should all be very happy 

i don’t have a drivers license.} i have made quite a few people laugh, 

and my baby sister very anxious, innumerable times over the years 

when i spill yoghurt, expensive lotions etc etc as i turn to look at something.

  

What is your definition of beauty ?

soulfulness. 

If you could create the perfect camera, what features would it have ?

time-travel possibility, 

- & a special, optional setting for unpredictable flaws,

like light leakage or random grazes that would 

take me by surprise every time and that could be saved
into personal recipes or workflow.

Do you recommend any websites for photoshop tutorials ?

i don’t do them much online myself so that’s hard, but.. 

i like sanna’s photoshoprecept. 

it’s in swedish though and that google translate button 

is just flat out hazardous. *smiles*

Do you read books about photography ? If you do what’s your favorite ?

i don’t, or not so much about photography, come to think of it.
i’d rather read or look really, at images,
so photo books of that kind then.. 

i have a few, but the favorites are still on my wish list; 

’on verra bien’ & ’les amies de place blanche’ by swedish 

photographer christer strömholm, 

’architecture’ by hiroshi sugimoto, ’backstage dior’ by roxanne lowit,

jerome gautier’s ’chanel, the vocabulary of style’,

mike disfarmer’s ’disfarmer : the vintage prints’, 

’seen behind the scene’ by mary ellen mark, 

sally mann’s ’the flesh and the spirit’ & many, many more .. 

What is your favorite photo taken by another photographer ?

oh, now this is just torture ! *smiles*

seriously, it is impossible to just choose one..!

.. but if i’m gonna really try to narrow it down, 

it probably would have to be one of sally mann’s photos of her children.
i feel so close to her vision somehow, 

- & many of those photos could be from my own childhood,

so almost anyone from her series of ’family pictures’ 

or ’immediate family’ series.

don’t make me choose. pretty please. 

*smiles*

What is your favorite photo taken by you ? 

almost equally as hard to choose, as i see my own photography

much more as a journey, and i leave the images behind somehow. 

also i am so self-critical and find it hard to enjoy my ’old’ photos as i tend to 

just see the flaws and what i would have done differently now. 

perhaps that is why i prefer to move forward instead. 

.. but i do like ’roots and wings’

which is, in a way a really simple self portrait,

but for me it has something to say about me. 

i like ’unison’ & ’n° 68’. 

both from a shoot with friend marie olson nylander, 

for their bit of mystery. and those come close the 

kind of photography i’d love to do more of. 

i like ’behind the wings’,

a portrait of my friend dennis getting ready for stage,

- & becoming lucy.
i love that i got to be there for that and do a series of portraits.
and that one in particular because that face is really.. his. 

i like some of the photos of my loved ones.. 

but that could also be because of my love for them

of course, sometimes it’s hard to tell..

i really like the ones i converted into black and white

from the a/w11shoot for swedish brand spira.

i had just gotten my new camera, 

the evening light was amazing, and lina as

stunning as ever. 

Do you think it’s hard to be unique and have your own style in photography ? 

How do you manage to stay creative ?

the hard part about that is the same as in life itself, i think.

sometimes it’s a challenge to stay you, you know?

.. but no, not so much with my photography.
there it seems i have more determination & less insecurities
than in other parts of my life.

i believe in my language & my voice when it comes to photography, i think,

- & if, or should i say when, there are things surfacing that could mislead 

or delude me, i literally talk to myself, and simply say;

keep following your own vision.

that is so important, i think. it’s key.

creativity is another matter..  *smiles*

.. but i think perhaps i am blessed with quite a lot of creativity

in the sense that it is not often that i don’t have ideas
or inner images to draw from.
for me the frustration lies rather in not having access

to a person or a place to realize the idea, 

- as i preferably want to jump right in as i think of something.

You take a lot of black and white pictures, why is that ? 

simply because i love black and white photography!

*smiles* perhaps for its timeless feel.. 

that being said, in my own work, - i actually most often
’let the photograph decide’.

i really try to find the time to experiment with every photo i edit, 

- & sometimes a photograph, when converted into
black and white just feels right;
like that was the way that photo was supposed to be. 

and sometimes i feel it before i even click the shutter, 

in the very moment;
that this is gonna be a black and white one.

{part three}

 mer om min syn på retuschering, 

mina dröm-modeller, 

- & misstag jag gjort, i 3e delen..
 {1a delen finns precis här.}

tack för Era ord,
roligt att Ni vill hänga på !



hoppas att Ni har
en riktigt mysig söndag.. 



kärlek !

h